Maxin' all cool

So for my birthday my mom, sister and I went to the mall to go back-to-school shopping, just like it was 1998. I am starting at a new school, teaching a new grade level and generally I am trying to up my professional-dress game. Someday, I would like to mentor and coach teachers, so, dress for the job you want and all that. We hit up Kohl's and JCPenny's, I was pretty pleased with the plus-sized offerings at both stores and there were great sales. I got this dress below at Kohl's on sale for about $15. It is on the casual side for work, but is perfect for date night, running errands, etc. I loves it.

I was also really feeling my make-up. Just felt all dewy and youthful.

Fat and Sexy

My friend Lynne is getting married and last weekend was her bachelorette party - what better time to wear a tight dress?! This was a liiiiittle outside of my comfort zone for a night at the bars, but after a lil' self pep-talk and a tumbler of champagne, I just went for it. Plus, everyone else was wering fun, tight, sexy dresses and I didn't want to be in another cotton, black A-line number that I wear to the grocery store. Honestly, dressing overtly sexual as a fat woman can invite heckling or unwanted comments about your size, but I am trying not to let fear of how others perceive me determine my life. This dress is from Lane Bryant a while back.

I put down the towel

After my post "Put down the damn towel" I was determined to get some pics of me cover-up free and here they are. I am wearing a Land's End bathing suit, I really like their suits. I feel a little vulnerable doing this, but I just keep thinking about how inspired I was by The BIG Girl's Code pictures - hopefully I can do that for someone else. Self-love and body-love, one bathing suit pic at a time!

I love being tan

Man, I love being tan. I know it is so bad for me, but I just can't resist laying in the sun all day at the beach. The hubbs and I had a wonderful trip -  we spent most of out time lounging by the ocean or pool, but also took a day trip to Isla Saona and spent an afternoon on dune buggies.

My sister let me borrow this dress for the trip, it's from Target and over a year old. The hubbs loved it, he told me to ask my sister if I could keep it. One of the things I love most about being tan is not need to wear any make-up. In the picture I am 100% natural and loving it!

Oh, and please excuse the lower picture quality. Our camera battery died on the first day of the trip and I forgot to pack the charger - so we relied on our iphones and bought a disposable camera. Remember those? Kodak fun-saver, felt like we were living in 1998!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vacation station

Hello from the the Domincan Republic!

Just wanted to put up a little update since it has been almost a week since my last post. The hubbs and I are having a great time, sunning, drinking rum, swimming, and just relaxing! I have been snapping lots of outfits and some cover-up free pictures, so expect some posts at the end of this week!

Besos!

Running errands and Anniversary dinner

So this first outfit I wore just running around. I got this shirt at Land's End, not something I would usually pick up but it was on major sale and the print was really cheerful. The pants are black jeggings are Jessica Simpson from Macy's. The g-g-g-gorgeous Coach purse was a gift from my sisters when I graduated from grad school this past May - it's the prettiest color, somewhere between coral, orange, and red.

It was also the hubs and I one year anniversary, already! We went to Cookology for a cooking class. It was fun and really yummy - we have some leftover brownies in the fridge with chili pepper ganache that I looking forward to enjoying again tomorrow. I wore this ModCloth dress that I have had for a while with a pair of gold flats from DWS.

Is it too early in my blog to rant?

So, like I mentioned, I was in Ocean City this past weekend and we went to a club, da club as 50 cent might say. Anyhow, nightclub situations can be tough for a fat woman - I am supposed to hide my body and be ashamed, not shake it like a polaroid picture and drop it to the flo'. I have always loved dancing and usually just surround myself with a group of friends so I don't have to interact with potential jerks.

That said, I have not come away unscathed in the past. I don't think I can tell you how many times a guy started to dance with me, then look over his shoulder to his friends and laugh - he was dared to dance with the fat girl. I have been heckled and pointed at. I wont say that those incidents aren't still hurtful, but the sting it not so sharp. I now know that my worth and that stranger's opinion of me have nothing to do with each other. Haters GON' HATE, you know.

This weekend, however, my hater was different, she was a female in a group of females, pointing at me and disapprovingly. She was commenting on how my bra was showing (ahem, for the record, I was wearing the cotton black dress from my double date post with a smokin' royal blue bra underneath. When it showed it was cute and intentional. Also, we were at a bar where the floor was sand, there were literally people in bikinis and flip flops there. We were not in the Vatican.)

I don't know if it's this blog, working on the fat bitch ecourse, the 3 shots I had, or what, but I was NOT having it. So I approached the girl and shouted over the music "CAN I HELP YOU?" Again, due to shots, not my best line, but, hey, I said something. She looked away indignant, but I was boiling mad. I told my girlfriends who helped me glare at them until they skulked away.  I don't know if this is the most positive/admirable reaction, but it felt like growth for me because in the past I would have taken that comment to heart and probably let it ruin my night.

But this just left me wondering - how can we, as women, build each other up? I think I know why that girl needed to tear me down, she was probably feeling uncomfortable in her own skin and I was an easy target. It took me almost 30 years to understand that love begets love, joy begets joy, and beauty begets beauty. How can younger women, who are fighting the tidal wave of the media, see the beauty in others so that they may better see the beauty in themselves?

This whole experience brought me back to a meditation class I had attended a few years ago. The instructor asked us to shine light, energy, and love to each and every person we know, one-by-one, and then to expand that love to our street, town, state, country, continent, hemisphere, to the whole world. While listening to him describe this exercise I got increasingly nervous - this is going to drain me! Give away all my energy!? What will be left for me?? At the end of that hour of radiating love, I floated out of that room on a sunny cloud of happiness. Sharing  joy, spreading love, wishing happiness, rather than draining me, had filled me so full.

Loving others is loving yourself, loving yourself is loving others. How can we spread this?

Put down the damn towel!

So my friends and I (hubbs had to work) went to Ocean City, MD for the weekend and it was glorious - day of beaching followed by a night at Seacrets - Ocean City's classiest nightclub. When I went back to look at the pictures we had taken, all I could see what that blue towel I had grabbed, out of habit, to cover up with for the photo. It is so distracting and deprives all of you a fantastic view of my strong, dimpled, thunder thighs (I mean, if given the choice who wouldn't want to make thunder!? It's pretty much like I am Zeus.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

I recently started following an awesome Chicana feminist on Tumblr - The BIG Girl Code - who posted some gorg photos of her in a bathing suit - color me inspired!

 

 

The hubbs and I are finally going on a honeymoon to the Dominican Republic (one year later) so you can anticipate some cover-up free photos!